TOLUWANI ENIOLA and UMAR MUHAMMED
write about the love story of a postgraduate student, Talatu John, who
got married to the man who infected her with HIV
Her misery started after a scary dream
on June 24, 2016. It was five months to her wedding. Thirty-year-old
Talatu John (not real name), a postgraduate student of a university in
the North, woke up feeling disturbed.
It was not the first time she had nightmares, but this particular day was different.
I had a dream that when I went to
collect the result of the HIV/AIDS test I did, the result showed that I
was positive. I began to cry in the dream and many people tried to
console me,”
Sadly, the dream turned out to be real.
Indeed, she had gone for a HIV test, it
showed she was HIV positive.
“What pains me most is that my boyfriend had the virus
but never told me. We were having unsafe sex regularly.
“I don’t know why he never told me
despite the fact that he truly loves me. I saw it in my dream, but it
has become a regrettable reality.”
“I love him. I still do. The
love was so strong that I gave him all my heart. We had unprotected sex
at different times. I was so much in love that I never cared whether we
used a condom or not. I was not even scared of being pregnant. He too
never bothered to use a condom.
“Then, I didn’t know he was HIV positive
and he never told me. Later, my sister, a nurse, told me she learnt
that he (Emmanuel) is HIV positive and that I should search his room.
She gave me the name of the drug he was using. But I never found any.
In order to be sure I was not already infected, I went for HIV/AIDS test
and it showed that I was negative. That calmed my nerves.
“But early this year, I found out I was
getting regularly sick. I used to feel hot and tired easily. After
repeated medications for malaria, I didn’t get better. Then I started
depreciating in size. I was advised to go for HIV test.
“I started crying and he consoled me; we
had already made arrangements for our wedding. It was a day before we
went for counselling at the church that he told me the truth. Sometimes,
we quarrel over this and I used to call him the ‘devil.’ But he kept on
consoling me.”
Last week Saturday at a popular church
in Lafia, the Nasarawa State capital, Talatu took a bold step and
demonstrated that true love keeps no record of wrongs when she got
married to Emmanuel at a lavish ceremony attended by our correspondents.
According to the couple, the church
consented to the wedding because both of them are HIV positive. The
church was filled to capacity as well-wishers, family and friends of the
couple attended the occasion.
Dressed in a black suit and white
flowery gown, the couple wore infectious smiles while the event lasted.
In his goodwill message for the groom and the bride, the officiating
minister (names withheld), urged them to always be patient with each
other and avoid third party interference in their marriage.
He admonished them to be contented with
whatever God provided for them and learn to tolerate each other, saying
such an attitude would go a long way in ensuring lasting peace in their
home.
He said, “Marriage is an institution.
Please, you should be courageous and handle your matter within your
home, no matter the circumstance that surrounds your marriage. Do not
allow any third party to settle your disagreements. This will ruin your
marriage. You shall bear many children in your marriage. In fact, your
first children will be twins in Jesus’ name.”
Basking in the euphoria of the wedlock, the couple, who spoke in separate interviews with SUNDAY PUNCH shortly after the wedding, said they were happy.
Emmanuel said he was delighted and grateful to God for making his dream a reality.
He said, “In fact, I am overwhelmed.
Today is my day and I never expected this crowd on my wedding day. I
really appreciate everyone who took time out of their schedule to honour
us. It is a wonderful union indeed. This joy is unquantifiable and
there is no day in my life that is as important as this day.”
Emmanuel said he would have missed a lot
in life if he had not met Talatu. “My wife is a very loving and caring
woman, incomparable to any other woman. In fact, if I had not married
her, I would have missed a lot of things in life,” he stated.
SUNDAY PUNCH, however, noticed
that although there was joy written on John’s face, she did not hide her
regret. She had told our correspondents that her husband was unwilling
to talk about his HIV status or circumstances of their marriage.
She said, “I really appreciate God for
making it possible to witness this day alongside my lovely husband. The
marriage is an act of God. I thank God He has finally joined us together
as husband and wife.
“I pray that the love that binds us
together would continue forever and ever in Jesus’ name. I pray that the
marriage will be a success. I have forgiven him but he cheated me by
hiding the truth that he is HIV positive from me. If he had told me his
HIV status, it’s either I accepted or rejected his marriage proposal.
Although I have forgiven him and accepted my fate, sometimes I wish I
never met him.”
Talatu, who looked distantly into the
future as she spoke, added that she learnt from the experience and had
taken a bold step to move on with her life whether HIV positive or
negative.
“My regret is that I will always be on
drugs for the rest of my life. He even warned me not to tell my family
about my status. I wished that I remained a virgin. I also regret not
using condoms while the courtship lasted.
“Sometimes, if you are in love, you will
be fooled. I advise young ladies to be careful. It is better to listen
to wise counsel than bear the consequences of wrong decisions. I have
learnt my lessons,” she said.
Speaking on the marriage, a University
of Lagos psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagbohungbe, said hiding ones’ HIV
status from one’s lover was unacceptable and detrimental to such a
relationship.
Fagbohungbe said many people who indulge
in such deceit do so out of fear that if they reveal the truth, their
partners might not agree to marry them.
He, however, noted that Emmanuel behaved
wrongly by not disclosing his status to his wife, adding that people
like Emmanuel always use the Bible, which preaches forgiveness, to
appeal to their lovers.
Aside from the fact that such an act is morally unacceptable, the don said Emmanuel’s behaviour was criminal.
On what people in such relationships
should do, Fagbohungbe said, “From the beginning of the human race,
deception to achieve one’s aim has always been a recurring feature. This
is very bad. The consequence of deceit is detrimental.
“For people in such a relationship, they
should count the cost. If the consequence of continuing in such a
relationship outweighs the benefits, I will advise that they opt out.”
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